Monday, July 21, 2014

B Beautiful: The Effects A Negative Relationship Can Have On Your Life







This is a topic we've addressed before here on BBB, but this is a topic that will never run out of fuel. That's talking about negative relationships, what it does to you, brings to your life or subtracts from your life and the world surrounding you. This could be any type of relationship family, friends or intimate. 


The great thing about all creatures upon this earth is, the connections we can make with one another, the way we can mix our energies together, build rapport and foster a relationship. Sometimes these connections can be built with a person that is, or brings negative energy into your life.   


We've all had a relationship of some sort that has struck a point of negativity, it's something that will temporally consume your life and energy. One of the major problems is that we see the negative effects, once this relationship has already been in our lives for a significant period of time. You could also see this early on, but chose to ignore it or be in denial.  This leads to making excuses for these negative people in your life, for their behaviour or like I mentioned before just avoiding the thought all together. 


The effects aren't just limited to your life, but also the people close to you, this has a domino effect! Which is why something needs to be done about it.  


Someone's bad, should never outweigh their good! The people allowed into your life, should be adding to it and vice versa.  There is no excuse for the behaviour a negative person exhibits and it shouldn't be something that is tolerated. If it seems as if a person in your life causes more stress, turmoil or you're constantly walking on eggshells, waiting for the next outburst of extreme negativity and negative energy this should be considered a poison to you. 



Set a standard for the people in your life!

Let the poison go...


You can't save a person from their own negativity, the only cure they have is themselves. A person will make the choice on their own time and path to which they repair the quality of their life. The only part that you're in control of is, what you allow into YOUR life.  

The world has created medical terms around negativity and what it does to our health called the "Nocebo Effect" 

Nocebo is Latin for "I Shall Harm"  

a detrimental effect on health produced by psychological or psychosomatic factors such as negative expectations of treatment or prognosis. (Definition From Google)


These relationships can cause 


Stress

It's not unknown in this world that stress is bad for us, stress is the culprit to many health issues and we spend our lives trying to reduce it.

An excess amount of stress, causes your body to deteriorate, age, internally and externally at a faster rate, which can also cause other health issues. This also causes headache, anxiety, anger, pain, lack of motivation and will even effect your quality of sleep.

Fatigue

a negative person is a vacuum to your energy, this isn't just one type of being tired, but full body and mind exhaustion. 

Medical Issues 

Negativity can also play a role in cardiac disease, high blood pressure, respiratory problems and even cancer. 


You'll banish the negativity from your life when you get tired of being tired, having all your energy drained, before you can use for productivity or positivity. There will be a time when you finally say that" you've had enough of this impeding your world."  Negativity can appear so normal, because after having it in your life for so long, you may not know any different, we seem to just simply adapt, and then that becomes our way of life.  It's time to realize, that life can be lived without a negative aspect! This isn't saying it's not a difficult transition, to get this out of your life, it's a long road that is going to be continuous, it's going to test you along the way, to make sure you're paying attention to your main goal, but it's all worth what you'll get back in the end.

Friday, July 18, 2014

B Men: 13 Signs She's Crazy



#BBBFlashBackFriday

Today we're talking about crazy women, yes some of us are a little nuts.... as I'm sure you already know that. Before getting submerged in this list, we do want to explain "that there are different levels to each of the subjects that we've mentioned, many women have some of these traits, its completely normal, it's when things are taken to the excess, that there is a big problem."



1. Overly jealous/possessive/insecure- There are many different levels of insecurity, she tends to put herself down a lot, expecting you to bring her back up. We all know what jealous looks like, some of it's human nature, but when it gets to the point that she can't deal or control it, with any women around at all, or her jealousy is actually effecting your relationship, it's time to take a good look at who you're dating.



2. Always the victim- A woman that always thrives on being the victim in every situation, in every past relationship, never taking ownership for anything. She always seems to have dated the craziest boyfriends, be especially cautious if they have restraining orders against her. She manipulates you into feeling that you have to protect her, from her ex's, and loves all the drama of it!



 3. Passive aggressive/unpredictable/mood swings - Passive aggressive people tend to hold their feelings in a lot, they have a lot of pent up anger, there will be something that triggers them 'the last straw' and then they combust, think nuclear! Women are emotional beings, but that is no excuse for them to rip your head off one minute, cry and manipulate you the next.



4. Control- Women are bossy, we like to have control BUT if she's trying to control every aspect of your life, from when you eat, to who you talk to, it has gone too far.



5. Alienated from her family/have no friends, tries to seclude you from your friends/family- She has no life apart from you, point blank, this should be a warning sign. If your spending time with your friends/family becomes a problem for her, if she's only happy when you're fighting with your friends and family, be wary.



6. Liar- Some people lie, when its actually easier to tell the truth, they start to believe their own lies.



7. Stalking traits- Shows up where you're unannounced, at your house, your friends house, wherever you go. She knows every single move you make without you telling her, goes through your phone, needs to know every single conversation you have, and who you're talking to.



8. Physically/mentally abusive- This one is very self explanatory, but we do want to add that if she's doing things like this, then apologizing profusely for her actions, suckering you back in again. This is one of the cycles, in the cycle of abuse.



9. Threaten/attempts suicide- Always take someone serious if they talk about suicide it's no joke, sadly some people do it, it's a cry for attention. Regardless, that is not the sign of a healthy mind, they need to seek treatment. If you haven't already dealt with this, you probably have a friend that has. This is one of the biggest forms of manipulation out there, why? Because it works!



10. Excessive interrogation- If you do wrong and you get the interrogation that's one thing! BUT...if your actions don't fit the crime...be cautious of someone that interrogates you for every move you make.



11. Won't let you breakup with her- It doesn't matter if she's mad at you, she starts the problem, when you say you will breakup with her, then she changes the story completely. Or even if you do manage to breakup with her, she always comes back and is hanging around, watch for this. Have you seen Fatal Attraction?



12. Interjects herself in into your family and friends- There's a difference between someone that gets along with your family, and someone that befriends your family, friends, friends girlfriends before you even  decide if you want to introduce them, that's interjecting.



13. Manipulation- Any attention is good attention, even negative attention for these women. Tears are one of the biggest forms of manipulation & blackmail! They're always devising plans to manipulate you, to get what they want, to control you. Manipulation can make you believe, that the sky is pink when you know its blue, it's a hard one to catch, but this usually ties in with one or all of things above.





If you are dating a woman with these traits;

-The longer you let this go on, the deeper you get sucked into the vortex of lies, deceit and betrayal.

-The best thing you could ever do; is cut your losses and run, the longer you have any contact with this woman, the worse it will get.

-When someone shows you who they are, believe them! The biggest problem is; that men don't take these women's actions seriously!



There is no such thing as the perfect person, so sometimes you will recognize certain traits, some more than others, but it's the combination that poses the bigger problem.  Men need to be aware that we're in an ever changing world, the pendulum swings both ways.  It's when these traits are combined, running the complete gamut, that you should be worried, I say that in all seriousness! As we've recently found, this behaviour could prove to be deadly, or simply cause you to get your penis chopped off. Men beware!

Thursday, July 17, 2014

B Men: So You Lost Her... Now You Want Her Back. How To: Get Her Back




If you are human, you have done something or a few something's, that you later have regretted. Perhaps, this happened with a woman you loved, she walked away. You let her go, after some reflection on the situation you're kicking yourself, wishing you could just get another chance with this woman..but what if she doesn't want you back? What if she does? You need to know how to navigate this situation, so you don't end up losing her altogether, here are a few tips to getting the one you lost, back.

The first thing you need to do is evaluate the mistake, a fairly minor mistake that may have gotten blown out of proportion will be a simpler fix than a bigger mistake, naturally this will determine many things.

The next thing, if you recently have had this situation happen, you want to make sure that you have given her ample time to cool down. Time to think. If you wait too long, you run the risk in her having moved on. This is important not only for her, but for you and for a calm, productive conversation.


Hear Her...


It all starts with her feeling heard by you, feeling like you understand what she is telling you. In order for you to ever have another chance, you will need to hear her out. You will need to hear how she feels about the situation, and if you want to find the root of the problem, the only way you will find it,  is through listening. This is very important for anyone, but for women, feeling heard, ranks top of the list.

Depending on the severity, hearing her out, could very well involve hearing things that you don't want to hear, but that you need to hear, if you ever want a fresh start. This isn't a time to get defensive, your pride will affect your listening skills, if you let it.




Take Responsibility



This involves a couple steps

1. Acknowledge what you did entirely

2. Acknowledge the pain you caused

3. Apologize

4. State how you plan to rectify the situation



The following are improper ways, to do the above listed:

-Add the word BUT anywhere, the word 'but' erases the responsibility and is a form of justifying what happened.

-"IF" if is a terrible word when used like this; "If I did *insert issue here* , I'm sorry". IF, doesn't assume responsibility. A proper apology takes responsibility.

-Saying "Sorry", when someone is genuinely sorry, they own the sorry... "I'm Sorry"



In many cases, she walked away because you  let her, you never tried to stop her. Leaving isn't usually the first option, she sees its usually the very last. If she walked away from someone she loved, it's because you gave her no other choice.  In most cases, had the man stopped her, listened to her, acknowledged her feelings, apologized, asked her "how he could make it better?" Followed by, the action of making it better, she wouldn't have walked away. Point blank. Most problems can easily be rectified this way, big problems such as infidelity aren't necessarily as easy to rectify, yet the principles remain the same. With the big problems, you may never get another chance. Which leads me to my next point..



If she is done, she may never be back and you then have to respect her decision, take the lesson and move on.


What not to do...


Now sometimes there may have been a chance, that she would've taken you back, but something intercepted that. It could be one of the following:


Begging


Stalking


Obsessively calling/messaging


Not respecting her space


Getting frustrated, which led to getting angry or defensive


Manipulative actions such as 'blackmail tears' (crying when you are caught rather
than hurt, hoping she takes pity on you) *It does happen


Trying to turn the situation around or find something she did wrong, to level the playing field. There are 2 people in a relationship, both are fair game, but if you were called out on something that hurt her, it's not the time to play the blame game. If you feel wronged by her in some way, pick another occasion to state that or she will feel you aren't hearing her.


Even if you have screwed up that doesn't mean you allow  yourself to become a punching bag, you will probably have to hear things you don't want to and it will hurt however, things such as name calling/degrading statements aren't acceptable at anytime.


If you made the mistake of hurting someone you love, it will take work to get them back. A good woman will stand by you through most things, but if you cross the line, she will let you know. I can guarantee she has heard 'sorry' before, followed by someone repeating the same behaviour that caused the problem in the first place. She will want to know for a fact, that you are genuine in your apology and your words won't be enough. Your actions will tell her everything she needs to know. Apologies aren't just the words, they are about taking responsibility and the actions that follow.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

B Love: Strong Women... Allowing A Man To B A Man In A Relationship




Okay ladies, I've been hearing from the men, there is a little confusion out there when it comes to what we will label as "strong women." Some men are a little uncertain how to approach or act because they hear you when you say "I don't need a man!" I used to be the same way I had the definition down pat "I don't need a man, I want a man" Here is what I discovered though.

As far as being a strong woman, I'm as tough as they come, can I open my own doors? Absolutely!!! BUT I don't WANT to open my own doors! Because it's so damn fun, simply being a woman. Do I struggle being a woman when I'm single, no actually I don't, I'm very content just doing me. I don't have a problem running the show or making decisions and handling ish.

As a woman though if you can't make a man feel like a man, pretty soon he starts to wonder what his job really is, then he gets a little lax. Men need to feel needed, men love to be able to help a woman out, in just about every situation. Does that mean that I need to dumb myself down, or suddenly become unable to do anything on my own? Absolutely not!


There are some things that women will always be better at, hailing cabs for instance, because I'm a woman, logically a male cab driver is going to stop for me long before he will stop for a man, and that's okay when it's freezing cold outside who wants to wait?! Does that mean my only use is simply to hail cabs? No, not at all.


Men ask our opinions on everything from their career, to the latest drama at the office, I'm free to state my opinion, that doesn't mean that I need to fix everything for him, I do know that my opinion will be valued, because I'm a realistic and logical person. That doesn't mean that I get to control every aspect of his life, or wear his testicles as earrings, truthfully, I would prefer not to. Often when women feel the need to take over, this is when the struggle for power occurs, pretty soon both people are jockeying for position, doing outrageous acts, saying anything too garner alpha dog honors.

Does that mean he's always going to make the decisions that you would make? No, sometimes he may even be wrong, people make mistakes all the time. If he is the person that couldn't make a good decision to save his life, then your questions should be more so directed as to why you're even with him.


Does that mean he has total run of everything that happens in the relationship or life? Hell no! He certainly should respect your opinion on every topic, and appreciate your input.


When a woman runs her relationship with her masculine side, you eventually cause a man to use more of his feminine side, then you wonder why this man is suddenly acting like the woman in the relationship. Not that men shouldn't be aware that they have a feminine side, able to be open with you, and have moments of vulnerability, it's a must for a close intimate relationship. It's a huge myth that having 'needs' is a bad thing, regardless of how manly a man is we ALL have needs.


Having needs doesn't mean that you have a weakness, it means you're a human being. I'm not talking about 'needy' there is a huge difference in needs and being completely dependent on another person to function in society. If you happen to have a man that will share his needs with you, appreciate it, because it's when the needs go unmet for a amount of time, that he looks elsewhere to have those needs met by someone else. Which doesn't end up good for any and all parties involved.


Men are protectors, allow them to be, it feels good for them. It's often said that "men are the head, and a woman the neck" I don't understand why some women get so offended by this. The neck is just as important as the head, in fact the head would be useless without the neck.


Men find strong women very sexy/attractive, but if it's a constant fight of who has the most power or the biggest balls,  you've become like another man to him. A straight male doesn't want to date another man, that's why he's dating you.


There is something to be said for a woman that can finesse most situations without the use of drama, without trying to force all out dominance. Save the aggression for the bedroom, I'm sure he would be more appreciative of it there, on occasion. Every single situation is made or broke simply on how it's executed.   


As a strong woman, can I do it all by myself? Yes, I can actually, quite well thanks! The fact is, that I don't want to, I do need a man in my life, like every other woman, not because I'm incapable, or weak, in fact I'm beyond strong and there is strength in being able to say that out loud.