Wednesday, March 25, 2015

B Fit: Make Them Earn It



Do you consider yourself  a giver?

Do you feel as though you give your all to everyone all the time, getting nothing back?



There's different levels of givers, I'm not referring to people that give to help those around them. I am referring to those that give in order to have the acceptance of others. Giving people what they want, or giving them what you think they should want is often used as a way of keeping a person present. It makes sense on paper, "If you want someone to stay, give them what they want".



Humans are fickle, complex creatures, often giving a person is exactly what they want, doesn't lead to them staying in any form of relationship, in fact if someone wakes up with exactly what they want, it no longer becomes something desirable, because it was given, rather than earned. This isn't the first time this has been brought up on any level, in fact, for years the one consistently brought up piece of dating advice  is "play hard to get". In the constantly revolutionizing dating world the statement "play hard to get" is being questioned, especially when it comes to women playing hard to get. Essentially playing hard to get is about not being at someone's beck and call when you just meet them, not giving them your all until they earn it...


The dark side of giving your all early on in dating..


If when you meet someone you tend to open the flood gates to the sweetest, most giving version of yourself...in other words you start with giving your all, you probably find yourself feeling used or having many people walk out of your life, even though you feel you've done nothing but everything for this person. The fact is, as humans we don't want someone that does every little thing for us, giving us their all before setting a standard for us. We want someone that is nice, but not at the cost to themselves, essentially we want someone that is nicer to themselves than they are to us. Let me explain...


A person that is nicer to themselves than someone else, won't just give their all to every person that comes along, they will dip their proverbial foot in the water...make sure its safe, then will inch themselves in.


Constantly giving in relationships without having requirements for the person on the other end, will only lead to hurt and resentment. 


Humans will have more appreciation for what they earn versus they're given.
I am by no means saying "giving always requires reciprocation, because  one of the best feelings, is to give to another person, especially love, not many things are more fulfilling than an abundance of giving within a relationship. If 2 people can freely give their all to each other, they will have a far more fulfilled relationship."


A successful relationship requires equal contribution from both parties.  A relationship isn't about one person endlessly giving to the other, if you start on this foot, the one where you give your all from the first meeting, won't win you the relationship you are looking for.


Giving can be a form of manipulation..


If you meet someone and from the first second you meet them, they're constantly doing everything for you, catering to your every need, without requiring at least commitment from you, be very sceptical. There is a reason behind each action a person makes, people don't go around doing everything for the benefit of another person, requiring nothing from you. It can be hard to walk away from someone that is seemingly doing everything for you,  in fact you will probably feel guilty for even thinking about distancing yourself from someone who is working so hard to make you feel good. This is the point, and why it is often used as a tool of manipulation, because it makes it more difficult to walk away, even though you will feel that you should.



We can say that giving should be done endlessly in a relationship, requiring nothing in return, but  the fact is...if you continually give your all to someone, not setting a standard for their behaviour towards you, you will end up  feeling mistreated, resentful or alone. Its sounds terrible to say, that you could be great to someone and it wouldn't work, yet our human nature still exists. Give your all, but make sure it isn't at the cost of yourself, as soon as you show that you will give your all no matter the cost, you sell yourself short and lose the respect of others.  Mutually giving in a relationship will make for a healthy relationship, one sided will lead to a disaster or miserable people. No matter who you are, you need someone in your life that makes you step up, that will give you the world, but will only do so, if you are also giving them the world, not at the cost of themselves though. This shows ones love for oneself, loving oneself, will pay you dividends throughout your entire life.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

B Love: Are We Simply Doomed To Lead A Life of Familiarity?!



A huge "hello" to all of our reader's!!!  :)


It seems like it's been forever...oh wait it has. 2015 has come in with a bang here at BBB, we're finding ourselves super busy this year, we are trying to work our schedules around to bring you 3 articles a week.
We've missed you!!!

I know that we've talked about the role that your family plays in the life that you now have as an adult, 0-5 are very informative years to us as children, they also play a huge role in your mate choice.  I think there comes a time when we decide that we want to be nothing like our parents, or have relationships that they had. After all we are smarter, more enlightened and open to situations than they ever seemed to be. I say this with the meaning that there is dysfunction in every family of some sort, because after all, perfection is only an off in the distance, mythical creature.


Now it would be easy to blame everything distasteful on our parents, you can if that's how you wanna play your life. There is a heavy price to pay to go through life blaming everything on your parents, and your childhood. Some parents are better than others granted, but to live in the shadows of harbouring that much resentment is very dangerous. At the end of the day your parents are simply people, trying to do the best that they could at the time, not that I'm giving them all a free pass, that isn't the case whatsoever, there is a price in life for every choice and decision that we make. It isn't up to us to deliver the penance though, that isn't what we are here to do.


If your parents or parent was the best at relationships and you choose to model yourself after them, excellent! But stats say different, the divorce rate hovers around the 50% mark at any given time, plus we have people staying in relationships even though they are horrible, at about another 30% of the people, that leaves about 20%...so if you fall into the latter group, this article probably isn't for you.


If our parents took part in crappy relationships, it seems that regardless of how much we vow that we don't want to be in relationships like our parents, science says that we will. Why you ask? It isn't even necessarily a conscious choice that we make, because we gravitate towards that in which we find familiarity. 


If you've done everything in your power to try not to create the childhood environment that you grew up in, in your adult life, without this knowledge you could very well be creating it for yourself subconsciously. The true key to the equation lies in you being aware of the situation that you are trying not to create and knowing that familiarity wins out over a lot of things. First of all you have to know the exact situation that you don't want to relive in your life....for example..if your parents fought all the time...feeling as a child that your home environment wasn't stable.


If you find yourself grown up and in the best relationship of your life, with the best person that you could ever imagine being in a relationship, life is going amazing for you. But you find yourself finding little ways to self sabotage yourself, or the relationship, you may not realize at the time what you are doing, but you find out when you find yourself in another fight or discourse in the relationship. It may not really be the other person at all, but you are creating what was familiar to you. Chances are you hate the feeling of being at odds with your significant other, you dislike the instability of the relationship, or person. When you find yourself in this position time and time again, it's time to take a hard look at mirror mirror on the wall. Especially if you are completely honest with yourself, seeing the patterns that have established in your life. If you find yourself always dating the exact same type of person, with the same results in the end. Then you have to find the common denominator, aka...you.
You can't fix what you don't acknowledge


The fix, is your awareness of what you are doing, it requires a step back and a good hard look at oneself.


- You could be attracting a certain type of person, because it's what's familiar to you and you have never learned the lesson.


- You don't get to blame anyone else but yourself.


- Take responsibilities for your part, the role you've played. Every other person is in the same situation, their life is unfolding according to their plan.


We never get anywhere in life by burying our head in the sand, it doesn't make these issues go away, it just means that you are prolonging them. I've always found that the lessons get a little bit harder as you go. So stopping, taking the time to figure yourself out, figuring out what are your familiar areas from childhood, can only serve to help you build stronger relationships in your adult life. No one ever said "it was going to be easy, it will be worth it though"  



We often wonder why some people stay in such crappy relationships?! Familiarity. The same can be said for people that stay in abusive relationships, until they realize why they are staying they can never break the cycle.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

B Fit: Why Even Settling "For Now" Is a Bad Idea




You hear it..you see it..
"NEVER SETTLE"

....but what does this actually mean? What are the consequences of settling for what's in front of you now, vs waiting for better in the future?
The 3 places we settle the most;

-Our relationships

-Our careers

-Our happiness



You've probably experienced some form of settling in your life or have been in a situation that required you to make a choice..


Choice A: Accept NOW or GOOD ENOUGH, which maybe isn't even so bad, perhaps missing out on GREAT, in the future.



Choice B: Take your chances on finding something better, risking everything that is NOW.




Relationships..

When it comes to settling in relationships, settling happens so easily and in a very subtle way. We settle for ok...we settle for (s)he only disrespects me sometimes...we settle for a dull flame, rather than fireworks...we settle for miserable relationships..we settle for less than we deserve. Perhaps you date someone for "now" but they aren't the type of person you really want in the big picture. You may be only "trying it out" with a person, that you know isn't right, the problem is..you get comfortable, one day becomes 10, 10 becomes 20, pretty soon you are moving in with this person. It can be tricky to fully bring to the surface that you feel you're settling, as we're great at lying to ourselves. Settling in any case can become something you accept, because of the fear that if you don't take "good enough", that great may never come along. The fear of loneliness has people settling left and right, it always has.


Unfortunately settling doesn't do anyone in relationships any favors, in fact, its selfish. When you settle for someone you're robbing them of finding someone that would see them as 1st place, rather than 2nd, you're not only sacrificing your own happiness (trust me, if you have yet to feel unhappy with your settling, give it time, you can only lie to yourself for so long), but the potential happiness of your partner.



Career...

Settling when it comes to your career is often something that  happens out of fear, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of survival. We all start out as children, children with hopes and dreams.  When we're young we see everything as possible, for a child saying "I want to be superman" isn't a far stretch, yet as we get older we doubt our personal powers. Imagine a world where everyone had a dream, an idea and made it happen. Imagine the technological, medical, life-changing advancements we could be seeing. I believe the world would be a better place, if we all had our individual dreams and chased them, as though it was the only option we had, we'd be happier.  Unfortunately most people don't end up following their dreams, they end up following a paycheck. Trust me, I'm not passing judgement, I realize that life happens and sometimes you have to deal with priorities before dreams. Fact is, settling in your career can leave you feeling unfulfilled and unhappy, but you still have a choice. I am not saying this is the easy route, but you need to keep fighting for your dreams, you need to make it as necessary as breathing. If you are taking a job for a paycheck, remember the end game, if you don't know your career end game, figure it out. A marathon not a sprint.  That temporary paycheck can become permanent if you let it, life happens, pretty soon you are getting a new car, new home, perhaps getting married and then you are stuck feeling frustrated with your job. If you are in that spot now, that frustrated, unfulfilled spot, I want you to start making a little time each day for your passion, your dream and make it your reality.


Happiness...


Unfortunately our happiness is often the first thing in life we sacrifice, we settle for being unhappy. We do this for a few reasons, 2 being..for those we love and for money. The problem is, we forget when we are always settling for being unhappy at the cost of others, we aren't doing anyone any favors. The best we could do for those we love, is to be fully ourselves, fully happy, spreading our positive energy not being miserable or unhappy.  I understand from time to time you will sacrifice for those you love, but it shouldn't be at the expense of your own happiness. Those who love you would never ask that of you.


Understand that your happiness is a choice, if you are feeling unhappy that is a choice you made and continue to make. In life you can choose to be victim or you can choose to be the victor.



Choose not to settle, trust that you will find all you need in life and when you do, it will feel great and you don't need to settle for mediocrity or "good enough". Why settle when you can have everything you want? Have faith in yourself!

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

B Love: Is Social Media Making Us More Envious of Other Peoples Lives?!



We live in a world that is inundated with social media, we see our friends lives with a microscopic view, an information overload, that older generations didn't have to deal with.
If someone got a promotion, bought a house, a new car, the new bf/gf, how fantastic the husband/wife is, or went on vacation, certain friends that aren't particularly close wouldn't even be the wiser, now we are flooded with status updates, and photo's. Keeping up with the Jones's has taken on new meaning, it's not only about your closest neighbours it also includes your 2500 closest friends on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snap Chat. How does one keep up, or do they?



Couple that with a society of instant gratification, we see, we want, we get. I'm sure that by now everyone has figured out that a lot of times what we see on social media via photo's is just a millisecond of one's life, rarely does someone post the negative things that they have going on in their lives. Well unless it has to do with relationships usually, that seems to be common place, until everyone starts complaining about the whining from a particularly bad break up.


Just the other day...I commented on a friends photo saying "I'm so jealous!" in all actuality I wasn't really jealous, it was something that I would've loved to gone to for the evening, in reality I can attend similar events on a regular basis if I so choose. Which got me thinking about jealousy/envy, the negative impact that they can have on a person, Jealousy/envy are like a cancer that eat away at people. I remember my dad talking about certain people not being able to 'see' certain material things that he had acquired..not fully understanding until I got a little older. Although it doesn't always fall under the category of material things, that sends some people into fits of green envy, it can be a relationship romantic or other, or the way a person looks, again an endless list.


The best way to combat jealousy/envy, is to be grateful for what you have in your life. "The grass always seems greener on the other side of the fence" is one of the truest quotes, things aren't necessarily how you perceive them to be. There is always someone out there that is worse off than you, that would love to have, or be in the position that you are, at this very moment. Don't get me wrong that doesn't mean that you don't want or strive for things to be better in your life, but being jealous of what someone else has or is, isn't going to benefit you in any way. It's only going to serve to make you resentful, bitter and living a life of negativity.


We are only held back by the invisible walls that we ourselves make, holding us to what we consider is a normal standard for us, never striving for better or to better ourselves leaves us flat lining. No other person can take what is meant for you, until you understand that, it leaves you clawing and scratching. Your only true competition is with yourself, you should be trying to beat your best.



So many of the best things in my life have come from moments that I felt I had failed. The difference between failing and failure, is remembering 'ure'  "U.R.E.xceptional" you only fail when you forget how exceptional that you are. You only fail, when you give up, when you stay stuck. Every single person is going to fail at something, you may have to take a small break, rework something. How quickly that you can change, adapt, and never giving up is the recipe for success.  You are here to contribute in this world...every single person has a purpose, every person has something to contribute, in your own unique way.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

What You Need To Know About The Definition Of Beautiful







The definition of the word beautiful is where we have gotten confused.

 Beautiful is coined as, pleasing to the visual senses, when the true definition for beautiful is; all senses, not just what you see with your eyes, but also what you hear, think, feel and it's the excellence of its kind . So why has the world gotten so far down an ugly rabbit hole, when it comes to any sort of beautiful?



If you have ever looked at yourself in the mirror, saying to yourself  that "you weren't beautiful or good enough" then you are living for another person's definition of beautiful, not your own. By no means was anyone born into this world thinking and talking down to themselves, that's something that was developed over time, by the world you grew up in.  



That's one of the honest truth's of this world, everyone is constantly living for the definition of ugly and beautiful, that were created around them, but not for them. 

 We follow the seasonal trends, the style of what someone else has created, what someone tells us to look like. 


The world is made up of moments where we have compared something that's called "beautiful" to something else, in turn making the only result that there is, a great divide within what is considered beautiful and what it isn't. 


 
Beauty or beautiful has become some superficial magic, that people tell you is found in a department store, photo shopped pictures or a plastic surgeons office. This a Frankenstein, on everyone that has ever existed in this world. 


What you have to offer the world has nothing to do with looks or even gender, it's what has been created on the inside that is beautiful, that really counts. The knowledge, thoughts, words and feelings that come from within, are what will make the difference to the world around you.  Confidence, and loving yourself for who you are as a person, shouldn't come in as secondary in importance. 



It's time to start living for and being the whole picture of beautiful, all the senses not just one. Every thought, word, breath and the beat of a heart, is more beautiful than anything on the outside could ever hope to be! Taking whatever else you've heard about what it is, where it's found and throw it away, because the only "beautiful" that matters is your own.  


The only thing that is beautiful about beautiful, is being you, your true self, trust me you're very beautiful.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

B Fit: Letting Someone Make Their Own Decision To B With You


One of the most important lessons last year taught me, was about letting people make their own decisions for their own reasons and not interfering. 

Now you may be thinking that you or people in general do make your own decisions, but the fact is..we can sometimes be influenced by those around us, especially where matters of the heart are concerned. 


There are many life situations where you can influence the decision of another, but when it comes to people you love, relationships or dating, you must be extra careful. You never want someone to stay in your life because you pulled them back in, you want people to stay because they want to stay and be present, because there's no place they'd rather be. Yet often in life, and the way human nature works...if someone pulls away or emotionally distances themselves from us, our natural instinct is to pull them back in. The route we use to bring another closer to us, when we feel them distancing themselves is to grasp at whatever we can, often our grasping seems a little like smothering to another person. This pulling closer, often involves some form of influencing or "chasing" to make them be as present as we would like them to be. Although I'm not here to talk about the chasing that happens when someone pulls away...it's important to note this human reaction to such a situation. Humans love to have control over the outcomes of situations, who wouldn't like to make things exactly how they envision them to be? The reality of life is that we can only make certain choices, the rest are made by others.


It can be easy to push your influence on another person, when you so dearly want them to be a part of your life and we often do add our influence. If we want a certain outcome for a situation, we often voice it, if it gets bad enough we can find ourselves constantly thinking about it, perhaps even constantly forcing our opinion of the situation, on the other person or try to force the outcome we want in some way. If your opinion can influence a person enough.. you can have them making a decisions for you...rather than for themselves.
When someone makes ANY decision for any reason other than for themselves, they either go back on it or become miserable because of it. The only life decision that ever works for a person is the one that they made themselves.

My point...

When it comes to decisions a person makes about staying in your life...whether this is someone you are just starting to date, or a person you have been with for 20 years, let them make their own decision. If a person wants to be with you or stay with you, they will come up with that on their own. Yes, you may tell a person how you feel and inform them, but let them choose to be with you. You don't want someone to stay with you or be with you out of guilt or out of you holding them there with manipulation. As the old saying goes... "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were".  The only people you should want in your life is the ones that want to be there, because they WANT to be. You don't want someone who has to be convinced to stay, you want someone who knows they want stay.

Try your best not to influence another's decision about you. 

Back off, let them figure it out. If it's not you....respect that!


Monday, February 9, 2015

B Beautiful: How To: Be In A Healthy State Of YOU








The promises and commitments that you need to make to yourself today, that will improve and change your life! 

The time is now, more than ever to be in a "YOU" state of mind. 

Not Y-O-U in a sense to where you're a selfish human being,  trampling over others because your priorities are more important in your books, but you in the sense that you care for yourself and your current state of mind. That you believe and thrive in self improvement, love and positivity. 

  
The Little Things You NEED To Know
To Be True To, As Well As, For Yourself...

         
" I Believe In Me "

                                                                   " I Know Myself "  
     
" I Trust In My Own Intuition "

 " I Can Succeed Because Of Myself "
....



" I Will Be My Own Advocate "

While yes, it's good to have other people on your side, you yourself need to be the advocate for your life, success, intelligence and ability. No if's, and's or but's about it!  



" What Isn't Good Or Useful For Me, Shall Go By Me "

This isn't a maybe in life, it's a guarantee. What you don't need in life...will not enter yours! Everything that is around us has a purpose, a higher calling in your life other than just being an object or a situation.   

Sometimes what a higher calling is, isn't always apparent at first, it takes a little trusting life to know why you're on the path you are on, but the light at the end is always just around the corner.
It might be a lesson or a valued  experience and memory. It still has a point and purpose for being in your life.


" My People Are Also Me! "

Your clique, your family, your besties! It doesn't matter what you call them or who they are, it matters that you realize that the people that you consider "your people" are part of yourself. Not physically, maybe not even blood related family, but mentally and emotionally, you and them are connected. 

They are important in your life and should be treated as such.

The way you treat others, reflects back onto you and contributes to your own quality of life.   


                        " I Am Building Or Have Built A Wall For Negativity "


This is an art that takes practice before it's mastered or mostly mastered, the fight against negativity is one that everyone deals with. Life isn't always easy nor does it have a constant display of sunshine and rainbows, which means in the moments of negativity, having a wall that filters out as much of the negative energy is  crucial.  

In no way should this wall your building against negativity, stop you from entering a situation because it might be bad or it shouldn't block you from living your life, but instead it should only be there to assist when you find yourself in need of it.  


 " I Have The Strength To Carry Myself In Any Situation 

You need to KNOW that you can keep your own head above water, before you try to be the strength for anyone else. You need to know that in the sea of life, you're not flailing in the deepest part of the water. The only one riding the white horse that saves you day...is you. 

Knowing and believing you have and own that strength will change the lookout you have on everything in your life.  

  
" At The End Of The Day I Sleep and Close It With Self Love "

I couldn't think of a more perfect note to end on.


At the end of the day, when all the checks and balances really happen, when you lay down, reviewing the day or just your thoughts in general. The last and final balance should be the one where you love and appreciate yourself, where the loving energy flows endlessly within your veins. Love starts and ends with you, your stance with yourself is the most important you'll have in this lifetime. 


What you feel for yourself projects outward, it dictates how life works around and for you, make sure it's a positive, loving projection to get the best results out of life!