Hello Boys... or perhaps "hello men"
Because my topic is definitely for men, not boys. Please note that your maturity level has very little to do with your actual physical age...I don't believe that there is any explanation needed there.
One of the things that I personally find heartbreaking is hearing a man describe his life after losing the woman of his dreams, be it that they parted ways because of an issue that couldn't be worked out, or sadly through death. I think I find it so heartbreaking because the raw emotion, that level of pure vulnerability coming from a man whose world as he knew it will never be the same again. That level of attachment, or the depth of that love, isn't what we usually hear from men. Or perhaps women are more expressive of their feelings especially when hurt, because I'm a woman I know how to deal with that, I understand the level of hurt that a woman feels, I can recognize and relate with those feelings on a deeper level of resonation.
My motivation to write about this topic comes from 3 men, that have each lost their wife due to illness. One was sick for a number of years, out living her diagnosis for years, to suddenly succumb to it. Another couple received a diagnosis after symptoms of fatigue, tests were done and a treatment was planned, 30 days later she was gone. The last one, the wife had received a diagnosis, 2 days later, she passed away. I wanted to mention these to make my point of how fragile life can be, it can change in a heartbeat, we all take our health for granted, until it fails.
You can't buy your way out of some of these illnesses. I mention this because men tend to be career orientated, money and success sometimes come at a very high price...aka relationships. I feel pretty safe saying "these men would've given it all back...if it meant that they had 'her' back."
I fully believe that you should live your life to the fullest, I also believe when you meet "that" woman that you know is the one, I don't think that you should squander it. I'm under no illusion here, I think men fall in love harder and faster than women, even though you guys don't advertise it and a lot of woman don't believe it. You also do know when it is the "one" how it plays out is all dependent on you. You can chicken out, using the excuse "that you have to be more financially stable, or you feel that you aren't together as you need to be." Unless you are a complete mess, not being able to sustain yourself, then perhaps do some work on you, women don't expect perfection, aren't we all trying to better ourselves every step of the way. Women have this ability to see your potential long before you ever see it in yourself. If you are motivated, if you're trying, women can see that. The moral of this paragraph, be the person that you would love to see yourself with, work on being that person. If you have found "her" figure your shit out, because letting this woman slip through your fingers, could be the biggest regret of your life.
Not just any woman, the "right" woman, not perfection, because it doesn't exist. The woman that is right for you, isn't right for your best friend, or your group of friends, however she is perfect "for" you. So listening to 'the guys' usually isn't the best barometer when finding the one. Finding the right woman isn't about the old ball and chain, if the relationship makes you feel that way, then it isn't for you, she isn't for you.
Settling for mediocrity is the reason that the divorce rates are so high, the reason that so many people are in horrible relationships. Forever is a long time, and no one likes to admit that they've failed at anything, let alone a marriage. Choose wisely! Does she make you feel that you want to be a better man? Does she support you in every sense of the word? Does she respect you? Does she make you laugh? Is she kind? Is she intelligent? Would she be a good mother, even if you never want children, a good woman is a woman that nurtures you and the relationship. Not that she treats you as a child, because a woman can't treat you that way and respect you at the same time, nobody wants to be married to their parent.
To get the right woman, is going to require work, it's going to require that you do things that are perhaps new to you. It doesn't end there, once you get her, you have to do the work to keep her, which never ends. She should be putting in the equivalent to keep you also, healthy relationships are never a one way street, it has to go both ways, or it really isn't worth your time or investment. It's going to take compromise, patience, a willingness to put someone else's needs before your own, (not at the cost of yourself though) Being mature enough to know that everyone is going to hurt you and let you down to some extent(but it won't be on purpose), learn to forgive quickly and completely, not always needing to be right, learning what is worth fighting for, and what isn't. Learning to be vulnerable, be willing to do what it takes to figure her out; know her smiles, know her/treat her as the special one of a kind woman that she is, and truly hear her when she speaks.
As humans we tend to be a little lazy and creatures of habit, a little self analyzing will always be helpful, take note of how you treat those people closest to you, not including your friends. A lot of times those relationships that are with family, we tend to let slide a little, because well, they will always be there..right?! We can easily take those people for granted. Do you treat them as well as you would treat a friend? Start there, improving those relationships.
Falling in love is euphoric, you go in with the best of intentions and your best foot forward, love changes, it grows, not all stages of its growth are comfortable or fun, but this is where it gets its depth from, the times that weren't always so easy or fun. Making forever happen, requires you to fall in love with the same person, over and over again. So when you do find that special woman, act, words that aren't followed by actions become meaningless. Don't assume that the right woman is going to simply wait around, until you feel the moment is right, there is really no such thing as the right moment. Quality women that embody all that I've mentioned above, know their quality and their worth. Every other man recognizes it also, they are drawn to her like a moth to a flame. Someone is always trying to snatch her up, expecting that she will wait around for you is ludicrous. As I started with any man that has had the experience of one, would surely council you to not let her slip through the cracks, a great woman is worth her weight in gold.
"Behind every successful man, stands a great woman." ~ Unknown
"A great man without a great woman behind him, is like a library without books." ~Ken Bossone