Thursday, October 23, 2014

B Men: What You Need To Know About Chivalry




Chivalry, since the beginning of time - until it's tragic end in the 21st century...

" Because it kept the world from modernizing in male and female roles."

" Umm modern times "

"Women hate chivalry and now find it creepy"

"It's final appearance was on a date that went bad, when it was made a rule that if you're a women that  believes in feminism, that means a gentleman can't hold the door for you or buy you dinner on a date. Because what this gentleman really is trying to say is that "you're too weak as a women to open your own door or don't make enough money to pay for dinner. "


That is just some of the numerous negative untrue opinions out there, on the topic of chivalry, but lucky for you, YOU have BBB, to break down some 'need to know' points on the topic, giving you an edge on the competition     


Some Don't Expect It, So It's Not Required Right?

Chivalry shouldn't be reserved just to impress someone, while yes, it does tend to have that effect, that shouldn't be your only motivation.  Just because someone doesn't expect something, doesn't mean you shouldn't put in the extra effort or bring it to the table, as one of the numerous great qualities you have. This should be a way of lifestyle, a life improvement instead of a temporary filter you put onto yourself.  If it's just a show that discounts everything...

It should be for yourself first, before you use this to woo a woman  



Opening Doors Is Far From Antiquated

The most popular chivalrous tasks are things like opening doors, pulling out chairs, ordering for her a dinner, hailing a cab, carrying her bags, offering your seat to her if there isn't any left, sharing your umbrella or holding hers and respect in general.  Sure some of these are a little out dated and not common practice for the most part, but don't be afraid to put your own modern twist on it or take opportunities when they are given to be chivalrous 



Chivalry does still exist, hopefully it always will, whether it's expect or not accepted!  
This isn't something that is meant to be an argument on which sex has more power,  grant or even lessen the power of someone else in the relationship, but it's main meaning should be as gesture of appreciation, respect,  like and love for the person you're being chivalrous to.  


As a man, it's in your DNA to be a protector/provider, the one act of chivalry that I don't see a lot of but look for frequently is when a couple is walking down the street, or seated in a restaurant booth, I'm talking about the man walking on the outside of the street, in a restaurant the woman sitting on the inside of a bench seat. I do notice that a lot of men, do continue with sitting with their back to a wall in a restaurant setting, making it easy for him to scan the room for threats implied or real. Women really do like to feel that they're protected, no matter how strong/independent that she is, more so if she is really independent, a woman that will allow you to protect her, does trust you very highly.


 To be able to be vulnerable to a man is a great sign of strength/confidence on a woman's part. A woman that knows who she is doesn't see a man that's being chivalrous as a threat, or de-womanizing her in any way. She knows she's amazing, she knows the power that she has so she doesn't need to show it as false sense of bravado.  

The most you should ever expect back from your chivalry, is appreciation, by a simple "thank you" for being a gentleman.  

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

B Love: Breaking Down The Complacency Barrier



Complacency:
a feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like; self-satisfaction or smug satisfaction with an existing situation, condition, etc. via Dictionary.com


Complacency from the definition seems like all the things that we want to achieve in a healthy relationship, with a twist. We all yearn for that relationship that we can simply be ourselves, finally able to let our hair down with another person, them loving you, because of who you are. Feeling the certainty, that this person will forever be the one that has our back, our best friend, you finish each other's sentences. It may be what we yearn for, but like anything once we actually get it, it doesn't feel so great after all. Security taken too far. As humans when we face too much certainty we find ourselves bored, taking the other person for granted, nothing feels worse to both parties.


I say both parties, because usually when you are feeling something, or some way about your relationship, chances are that the other person is feeling the same way also, even if they don't express it verbally. The mystery has long since left the relationship and/or the other person.

Relationships don't fix themselves.  So how does one battle the very thing that we've longed for, when it takes over?


Society likes to put us all in the norm category once you've been in a relationship for a period of time, you get married, then if you so choose, soon people are asking "when the kids are coming?" Pretty soon we've fallen into the trap of being the wife/husband, 2.5 kids, white picket fence blah blah blah. We lose our individual identity, we become wife/husband, mom/dad, soccer mom/dad. We develop blinders to who the person was that we married or continue to share a long term relationship with, life becomes about the kids, the job, each person plays their role. The romantic relationship takes a backseat, to all the other relationships that we now have to foster, we become complacent. That time that we used to spend nurturing the relationship, is funnelled elsewhere. Priorities change. The old adage "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" rings true, children and/or career squeak the loudest. Most families consist of 2 people working outside the home, not that being a stay at home mom isn't a fulltime career on its own, we're all short on time and usually sleep.

 So how do we stop it, can we stop it? 

Yes...complacency can be stopped or averted all together.
It takes commitment on both parts.

A. You have to be able to remember the person that you were when you first met.

B. You have to be able to communicate, keeping lines of communication open.

C. You have to be able to see the other person through the eyes of someone else. Watch how other men/women look at your partner, how they interact. You once thought they hung the moon and stars also.


D. We often see the other person as the mom or the dad, not the sexy mysterious person that we used to see.


E. We can never stop dating the person that we're in a relationship with.


F. We have to be able to truly forgive our significant other, they're going to do things that disappoint us, things that hurt our feelings.


G. We have to learn to choose our battles wisely, not everything is worth causing a fight over.


H. Marriage/long term relationships should be about freedom, 2 people with a common goal, working together to help each other achieve their dreams.


I. Choosing to make each other a priority, because they and it matters.


J. Humans need to feel desired by our significant other.


K. Simply being roommates with your significant other doesn't cut it, it doesn't make you special.


L. We all have needs, you have to be aware of your and your partners, you need to be actively trying to fill the other persons needs.


M. Don't nag, you come off as more of a parent, nobody wants to have sex with a parent.


N. Being able be vulnerable with each other, is a deep sign of intimacy.



O. Be the partner, that you would love to have! 

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

B Fit: Choosing Your Battles...


They say "fight fire with fire", I say, a fire needs an extinguisher.

Fight fire with fire: to attack someone with a lot of force because they are attacking you with force http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/Fight+fire+with+fire

Often our first thought when we feel attacked or hurt by another person is similar to the fight or flight response. Depending on your disposition, you may choose to fight, to strike another back in the way that they have struck you or you may leave the situation as fast as possible. Seconds after feeling this so called attack from another person, you will start formulating your plan of action, your attack, most people do this back and forth. Think of an argument that once started as a simple discussion, one person may at some point feel attacked, they then make the choice to let it go or attack back. What often happens is one person attacks, the other responds back with an attack, so on and so forth, creating a raging fire between 2 or more people. Often the only reason these explosive situations stop, is because one person leaves or stops the situation. 
This describes an argument.

An argument requires 2 or more people, meaning regardless of who started it, whether unintentional or not, all participating parties are to blame. You actively choose to participate.


"You don't need to attend every argument you're invited to"

~Unknown



When someone brings an unsolicited personal verbal attack your way.

We've all had this at some point in our  lives, even more if you're doing things against the grain. Adversity will follow many life paths you could choose to take. Firstly I need you to understand, that all personal attacks against you, aren't about you, they're about the attacker themselves. Once you grasp this concept in life, you will learn to not take even the most personal attacks at face value. Understand that most people that will attack another person, are feeling their own feelings of anger, insecurity or perhaps even loss of their own control. This isn't ok by any means, but know that the things people do/say is a reflection of their inner truth, their inner feelings. If someone doesn't feel good about themselves or their life, they aren't going to want to make other people feel good either, subconsciously they will try and bring people down to a relatable level. Knowing this, you can understand why someone's personal attack is more personally about them, than it is personally about you.


An unsolicited personal attack may not be about you, but when you participate and throw an attack back, you've made it about you.


"Hurt people, hurt people"




You are given a choice when someone comes at you with a verbal attack;

-You can fight back with a verbal attack

-You can get upset

-You can try to reason

-You can leave the situation

-You can remain silent.


Choosing Your Battles


When it comes to arguments or verbal attacks, you want to choose carefully which ones that you participate in, because 
they usually lead you nowhere. If you know that what you are about to say does nothing good or has no purpose, then there really isn't much point to saying it. In the heat of the moment, it may be hard to decide whether the battle at hand is a battle you'd like to take on, this is when you need to walk away, letting cooler heads prevail. If you are going to respond to a verbal attack, its best to think carefully about the situation, decide whether it is worthy of a response.

Some people may see silence or leaving a situation as a sign of weakness, but it's actually the opposite, it is a sign of maturity and strength. Any person can participate in a war of words, this isn't a special quality that only the few gifted have.  When you factor in the fact that most personal attacks have little to do with the person being attacked, then silence or leaving the situation is an appropriate answer. You should never have to explain yourself to people, those in your life don't need any explanation, they already know all that you are. Those who aren't big participants in your life, don't know enough about you to make a credible judgement.




When it comes to "haters" or people that choose to try and verbally bring another person down, their actions reflect on them, whether you choose to be silent or respond. If you are silent, you let their actions stand alone, you aren't adding fuel to the fire by becoming a participant, which in turn could make you look just as bad as the aggressor .  Choose your battles, understand that personal attacks aren't about you and most of all, don't let the negativity of others get to you. 

Monday, October 20, 2014

B Beautiful: The Rules Of Making Conversation


We all make mistakes when it comes to our approach and dating, really it's unavoidable,  but one mistake that is all too common in this area is, when it comes to conversation. Whether that's in making  conversation or having the proper skill/ knowledge to carry the conversation on.  This can make the difference in finding/building connection, as well as enhancing the chemistry between one another. 


Nobody likes to be in the situation where they are stuck looking for topics or questions, that's draining, making your attraction towards each other go downhill fast.  Nobody ever wants to have to work too hard to make a conversation, because rightfully so, it should be something that flows effortlessly, is fun, flirty and playful. 



The Rules Of Making Conversation


Body Language


What your body is saying or giving off, is just as and maybe even more important than what is coming out of your mouth! This one works both ways, whether you're the starting the conversation or the one waiting for a conversation to be started with you. 

If you have closed body language don't expect there to be a good flowing conversation, your body language should be open. Meaning shoulders up, arms not crossed or covering parts of your body, your body turned towards the person you're trying to engage with.  Body language also counts for eye contact and your breathing.   

Keep eye contact, but relax,  let it be natural, not crazy eyes. Slow down your breathing and everything else for that matter. 1. You'll relax everybody in the situation 2. This is proven to give a sexier vibe, if you're looking to appeal to this person in that way..of course.  

    
Good Energy 


Especially if you're approaching someone or this is in the first couple conversations with a person, the ability to change, bringing the other person's energy up is one that makes a good conversation, not to mention a lasting impression. A better connection is formed when you're on the same energy level, get them to meet yours.  

This doesn't mean you need to be bouncing off the walls with high energy, but more of positive, open,  relaxed energy that makes the other person feel at ease and comfortable.   


Confidence 


This one is easier said than done! Yes, there are people with more and less confidence out there. Whichever one you are is nothing to be ashamed or boastful about. If you have confidence that's fantastic. 

If you're not on the confident side find something that you do have confidence in, whether that's a certain outfit, part of your personality, skill or environment  build off of that! 


No Filter 


Filters impress no one! This isn't saying that you should be completely unfiltered, but more of a don't be afraid to share thoughts, opinions or even disagree with minor topics and points in the conversation. 

Stop worrying  about trying to impress that person by diluting yourself or your true personality, because you want to say what they want to hear. What's impressive is, bringing your true self to the table when talking to someone.  True chemistry isn't hidden in a filter that you can put on or take off. 

   
Great Answers 


Part of an engaging conversation is great answers that you can play off of and build on, it's an art, a dance of sorts. You can build off of a simple "how are you or how's it going?" easily!
This isn't saying you need to be completely open with details or even completely relevant to the timeline of events for that exact day or time. Instead of a simple answer like "good  or great" get creative, give open ended  material. This can be used whatever position of the conversation you are in. 


This is more successful than treating questions and answers like the hot potato, that NO ONE wants to get stuck with, it puts less stress on the conversation if you both want the conversation to continue on after you say hello.  


  
Listen 


You need to listen!!! It's VERY important if you want to pick up on conversation opportunities  and questions to ask. People will tell you what they want to talk about, what they want you to ask about, you have to listen, instead of planning your next statement or stressing about the moment. 





Whether it's making sure your body language is on par or how to build good energy, rapport and  confidence, we want to help you! If you found this article helpful, useful or maybe even learned some new skills when it comes to making conversation with that attractive person at the bar, gym or coffee shop (Yeah, that person you just envisioned in your mind) email us at thebbbexperience@gmail.com to discover the dating course that can teach you these skills and so much more. 



We want to have a conversation with YOU! ;)
 






Thursday, October 16, 2014

(S)He Is Bad In Bed...


Since we seem to be on a sexual theme with B Men, with articles from Thursday & Friday being about women and orgasm.

B Men: Female Orgasm, Not As Elusive As It Was Once Made Out To B

Manifesting Change On The Faking Of Orgasms


We thought it was time to put an end to the whole "sexual rating system." As women we do hear other women, complaining that "so and so SUCKED in bed!" men do it also so no finger pointing allowed. Ha! :)

I just recently saw a link for an app that is for rating men sexually, which does tend to stir a little anger in me. The saddest part, is that other women buy into it and perpetuate it. It ISN'T women vs men!

As women we're always wanting equality, which I'm totally for, yet when it comes to a sexual experience, a woman can sit back, telling the world that some guy sucked in bed.


Since when did a sexual experience rest solely on a man's shoulders, to rock a woman's world?! Does that not lead one to think that a woman must have not had the chance to be an EQUAL participant?


As a woman isn't it your responsibility to know what you like, being proactive about figuring out your own body, knowing how you like to be touched and where? Not sending men in blind, is part of our mission at BBB, but we also expect women to step up, basically to help themselves.


A man will straight up tell you what he likes and doesn't like, just ask one. This doesn't mean we expect women to go all dominatrix on men, well unless they're both into it, then in that case, go for it.


My point, for both men and women, before you let the words roll off of your tongue that someone is "bad in bed" know that it's a direct reflection on YOU, and your sexual prowess. A sexual experience is only as good or as bad, as the 2 individuals that are involved.
If there is something that you aren't liking about a sexual experience, change it. Most men are more than willing to do anything, to make that experience a great one for you. If he isn't concerned about the experience that you're partaking in, he's the wrong guy. Period! Men take great pride in knowing that they can please a woman. 


Sexual insults, like any other insults, aren't ok. Often you hear the most sexual insults in heated arguments or the ending of relationship, both sexes do it however, it does appear to be very commonly used against men. A man's sexual ego is held close, this is why it becomes an easy target. Insults about a man's penis size or performance are not only unfair as we stated here, but it reflects on you as a person. The old saying "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" rings true here, when it comes to heated situations, before it ever comes to slinging insults back and forth you need to walk away from said unhealthy situation, till cooler heads prevail.  


If you're in a relationship where your sexual needs aren't being met in the manner you would like, you need to communicate with your partner, introduce them to things that you do like. If you don't open the sexual lines of communication with your partner, addressing the issue, the only person you have to blame for your dissatisfying sexual experiences, is yourself.



BBB Tip: When addressing sexual concerns, it's best to offer suggestions on what you would like or would like to try, rather than to just stating that you don't like A, B and C. Offer suggestions or alternative ways of doing things. You do have to use constructive terminology, as to not insult your partner. If you don't know what could be done differently, do your own research.  

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

B Fit: 5 Beliefs That Will Hold You Back In Life



"That's Just how it is"


Nothing is "just how it is",  there are ways to change most life situations that you encounter. This acceptance can easily be used as an excuse for accepting the status quo, even if the status quo isn't ok. Nothing makes me push harder for change, than someone insinuating that bad situations are to be accepted, rather than fought to change. If there is something in your life that truly can't be changed (ex: The passing of someone you love), a change in perspective could be the game changer for you.  When you think of someone saying "that's just how it is", you usually picture that accompanied with a shoulder shrug, or some other form of negative body language.  Instead see things in transition, rather than stuck in a rut. This will keep you moving forward, rather than held back. Your perception is your reality.



"You must work very hard for everything you want."


Now you may wonder why this is on my list, it's very commonly used, but it's not about working very hard, exhausting yourself daily. It's about working smart, you can exhaust yourself all day, but if you aren't making the right moves you will exhaust yourself every day. Often with this statement, people think that they should be running themselves down in order to have something they really want. Make smart moves and you'll get to your destination faster. It's about tactical, consistent decisions.



"I can't do that"


We easily trap ourselves within our own beliefs, we have an imaginary box in our minds, inside this box are all the things that we believe are within our grasp. Outside of this box are the things that for one reason or another, we believe we'll never be or will never have.

Question, can you earn a million dollars, you personally?

Now my guess is that you're probably skeptical of this, but why? You never know for certain, you could come up with a brilliant idea that never crossed your mind before, finding something you do extremely well that could bring in millions. Even with this unknown future, we seem to discount this idea altogether. The point is, that we have ideas in our heads of what for us is accomplishable with little merit. This "box" can be based on our parents views, how we were raised, those around us, or ourselves. When we're at our most impressionable ages, we take in a lot of information that could affect the rest of our lives. Believing you can't do something will hold you back, perhaps from something completely amazing, there's nothing you can't do with determination and practice.



"That's just how I am"


When this statement is used following a statement about something that you feel that you're stuck with, such as a certain behaviour you exhibit, yet don't like, it can be harmful. It can be harmful because it will stop you from focusing on the point of issue, leaving you stuck. One of the joys of being a human being is the ability to decide who you are, you hold all the cards, there's nothing you can't change if you decide that changing it, is necessary for you.  



"Everything is working against me"


The belief that everything is working against you, is not only a false dramatization, but there's negativity attached to such a statement. Negativity weighs heavily, not only on your mind, but on your body. Negativity is exhausting. Just because one or two things may not have worked in the exact way you wanted, doesn't mean that everything is against you.  Life comes with its fair share of twists and turns. Take each mini issue with a grain of salt, life is what you make it.



You get to decide what you make true for you, the only person that can dictate how every situation in your life is handled or not handled is you. Choose to remove limiting beliefs and the world is yours. You won't remove every limiting belief over night, but start by being aware of these little things that you think and say. Look at all sides of the picture, because at least one of them will be something you can positively use in your life.