Thursday, October 30, 2014

B Love: Woman On Woman...When Will We Learn?!







I do realize that we're a little slow getting to this story, I do think that it's very worthy of our attention, it's  a subject that we've spoken about before.


The  comment that was made was regarding a well known model, when she dared to comment on a breaking news event, what followed suit was an onslaught of derogatory comments regarding the fact that she was a model "how dare she speak, because that played into the dumb model stereotype!?"  "How dare she weigh in on what was going on in the world, or her country, she clearly doesn't know what's going on, suggesting that she hadn't educated herself on the situation!?" After all she is only known for her "lovely bottom and her pictures of food that she makes, posting them on Instagram." Telling a woman "to stay in the kitchen, doing what she's good at " is everything that women have been fighting against since we've been allowed to vote, drive and own land.   (Not verbatim)



I did see the tweets that were tweeted by the model, I wasn't offended...I was offended by the attack on her though. If us women can't get along amongst ourselves, how are we supposed to expect anyone else  to give us respect, and not treat us as sexual objects? Everything that these women eluded to was about her looks, apparently her opinion would've only been valid if she were helping you pick out your next swimsuit. When we take out our own every chance that we get, how are we supposed to be taken seriously? We can't ever be a united front, if we constantly divide and conquer ourselves.



 This isn't the first time that this organization has made disparaging comments about women, last week it was about "young beautiful healthy women running around, how they should just go back to Tinder and Match.com, not worrying themselves over what's going on in her country."
Comments like these from other women, set women back years!


In schools we have a 0% tolerance for bullying, how are we supposed to be setting an example, for kids when a mainstream tv allows its hosts to speak so negatively towards women? Like it's a crime to be beautiful, have a great butt, be young and make a exuberant amount of money, because of it.



If a man had made all those comments, the internet/media would've exploded about the male chauvinistic, misogynistic, bigoted man child, that had dared to make such comments! Yet, it's gone very unnoticed under the radar almost. I heard the story via one of the internet shows that I watch, they were as outraged as I was by such comments. The fact that women still speak this way about each other is crazy to me.  


 I've heard more about the woman that walked for 10 hours, claiming that she had been sexually harassed by men that offered her a "good morning, have a nice day, hey beautiful or damn." Why are we so quick to jump on men, when I believe that women have committed the bigger offence here?!" 



Women need to stop stabbing each other in the back every chance that they get! 



Every single woman has something about her that makes her beautiful. Nobody steals your shine or your beauty, just because they happen to be beautiful in other ways from you. Beauty from the inside, is always more stunning, and exponentially more potent, than outward beauty. The woman that they chose to attack, happens to exude beauty from every pore, she is also one of those women that is just as stunning on the inside. She is loved/adored by many for her outspoken honesty, sense of humour, quirkiness, kindness and damn they were right, the woman can cook!  


As a woman when you choose to attack another woman in this way, it shows your lack of security in yourself and as a woman. The comments that were made, reflect more about the people saying them, than the actual woman that they berated and tried to take down.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

B Men: What You Need To Know About BDSM


Let's talk about BDSM, since it seems to be such a hot button topic right now. 

Not too long ago I was sent the documentary "Kink" produced by James Franco. I found it to be a very interesting, raw/real look at BDSM, I was pleasantly surprised at how educational it really was. Ever since the best selling trilogy "Fifty Shades of Gray" there has been an ultramodern interest in the world of BDSM. Much of what used to be off limits/taboo, is now talked about.

 There will always be a group of people  that shy away from the topic altogether, whether it be linked to disinterest, or perhaps fear of the unknown.


BDSM encompasses a lot of meaning for just four letters, the B&D can mean bondage/discipline, the S&M sadomasochism/masochism, D&S dominance/submission. Regardless of how you choose to arrange the letters, they are used to imply varying degrees of activities, anything from tying someone up, to the complete opposite end of the spectrum including physical pain, to emotional dominance.


Science explores the correlation between pain and pleasure, they really  aren't so different, there is a neurochemical relationship between the opioid/dopamine that enters our system. Opioid's increase in our brain when pain is introduced, it's responsible for the sensation, whereas the dopamine (a chemical that acts like a neurotransmitter) enhances the anticipation of the experience. Hence the fine line between pain and pleasure.


Even with life experiences they may be painful and messy while we're in them, once the fog clears there is usually a silver lining at the end, something that is learned that couldn't be learned in any other setting. Personal growth requires pain, in more cases than not.
Adrenaline, the hormone that is released when there is an increase in pulse rate, heart rate, fear or excitement. That rush you get when you do something that scares you, pushing yourself beyond your limits, in which you're normally encapsulated. Adding an extra element to your usual sexual experiences an air of something being taboo, naughty or the fear of being caught.


One of the things I  that I've learned about BDSM from my research, is the level of trust that it requires to work well. There is also a level of communication that we should all take a page out of the BDSM book. Sharing your deepest sexual fantasies with your partner, requires very open/transparent lines of communication and trust.


When the roles of a dominant/submissive are in play, one would assume that the dominant is in control of the situation. This isn't always the case, it's the sub that controls the experience, which is why 'safe words' are so very important to the equation. Because this situation is all about each character playing a role, the roles are communicated in depth before it ever starts. BDSM is about pushing your limits sexually, that doesn't mean that people don't have very clear limits on what they will accept, and what they don't feel comfortable doing, those also are clearly established before they begin.


Safe words, because the characters are playing a role, the words "stop or don't" aren't used as a safe words, because those exact words can be part of the scenario that the people are playing out. Words such as "red, apple pie, cow etc" are just a few examples of words that can be used, because they have nothing to do with the situation or experience that the people are partaking in. When safe words are used all actions stop, this is why trust is so relevant, you have to be able to trust someone before you can really open yourself up to them. The dominant person can also take it upon themselves to use the 'safe word' if they feel that the sub isn't in a position or state of mind to give consent to move forward.


As I mentioned at the start BDSM, falls under a huge umbrella, it can mean different things for different people, it can be taken to varying degrees. What 2 consenting adults do in their sex life, is between them, there shouldn't be any public shaming, simply because you don't take part or agree. If you feel negatively towards BDSM, I'm sure that some of those practicing it feel negatively towards vanilla sex, and don't understand its purpose either, there are always 2 sides to every coin. 

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

B Fit: 10 Signs That The Person You're With Truly Loves You


Perhaps you're with someone that you KNOW loves you or you are in the earlier stages and have yet to know. Regardless of your situation these are signs that the person you're with truly loves you.



They accept you for who you are


Someone that truly loves you will accept you for who you are, they will accept all the parts of you, even the imperfect ones. They won't try to change the core of who you are.



They say "I Love You" by their actions.


If someone loves you, you will know. Their actions will clearly reflect the love that they have for you, there won't be any questions, assumptions or guessing. That's not to say that love is free of hurt, but it's free of unnecessary hurt. People say "I love you" in all kinds of little ways. When you're leaving the house and someone says "hurry back, call me when you get there safe or  its cold, put on a jacket", these are all signs of love. Someone that loves you will show concern for you in those little ways, people say "I love you" all the time, without actually saying the words.  



They respect you


Respect isn't a 'sort of' thing, if someone has respect for you, it shows. If someone lacks respect for you, that also shows, respect can be a tricky thing, because it's also about each individual person, if you don't have respect for yourself or others, it can be tough to receive it or command it. Nonetheless, someone that loves you will have the utmost respect for you, they will hold you in the highest regard.



They stand up for you


Someone that truly loves you, will have your back, they will stand in your corner, ruthlessly protecting you. You will know that if it came down to it, they would unconditionally stand up for your honor.



The look...


When someone truly loves you, there is a look that they give you, perhaps a lingering look or a look that almost feels like someone is looking through you, rather than at you. It's the only look that can make a person feel completely lost and found at the same time, if you've seen it, you know exactly what I am referring to.



You're included in big life decisions


Someone that loves you, sees you in their future, they will want you to be included in any life decisions that they know will affect you. They will want to hear your perspective, because they truly value your opinion.



You are a priority


Life is full of priorities, between work, family, friends and passions, your life can be all over the place, but if you have something or someone that is a priority you will make time for them, no matter what. You may not have all the time in the world, but you will make sure that the person in your life is a priority. When someone truly loves you, they will make you high on their priority list. When it comes down to the end, the only thing that truly matters, is the people that you love and the relationships that you've maintained.



They support your goals, dreams, passions and all that implies


The road to chasing your dreams can be a long one, it can be one that requires most of your time and attention. This can weigh heavily on a relationship and another person. Life is about finding a balance, if you want a relationship, you need to make it a part of your life, even a busy life. Someone that truly loves you, will understand that you have other goals/passions besides them and they will support you, even though it isn't the easiest. This brings me to my next point...

This is the other side of the coin, if you want someone to love and support you while chasing your dreams, you will have to make sure that you make the proper time for them, someone that loves you will support you. Make those people a priority in your life, if you'd like to keep the relationship moving forward.


They listen


Listening is an art form, you may think that something seemingly as simple as listening doesn't require all that much attention, however, it's very important in any relationship you ever inquire with any human being.  You can have a complete conversation with another person, they can be looking at you, nodding, yet if you asked them later what you were talking about, they would probably only have every 10th word, if that. Listening requires that you genuinely be engaged in the conversation,  asking questions, actually taking in the information. Those that love you, for the most part should be listening, actually hearing what you are saying. Now are there going to be times that someone's head is somewhere else? Yes, of course, we are human, but you should feel that you're heard by the other person 99% of the time.


They do little things just to make you smile


When someone loves you, they will do little and/or big things, just to see you smiling and happy. They will go out of their way to do nice things, they may also do little things to surprise you, like helping you out with something you didn't want to do.




Relationships with anyone, family, partners, friends, can be complicated. Those relationships may also have their ups and downs, but the one thing that should always remain, is the love. True love can't just be shut off, it can even be argued that true love may always remain even if the relationship ends. Whatever your view on love, make sure those around you, know how much you love and appreciate them.

Monday, October 27, 2014

B Beautiful: 7 Misconceptions Women Have About Nice Guys




It's always controversial when it comes to the topic of "Nice Guys" we at BBB, have never been shy about our opinion on all the bogus that surrounds this. We tend to speak to men on this topic, but right now it's time to call on the ladies, because it takes two... 


Hint hint you can read our other articles at the links below





In those previous articles we've busted the myth of "nice guys" proving that sometimes what is behind this nice exterior personality, is sometimes not what it appears to be! 

There are common misconceptions that women/men have when it comes to separating the "nice guys" from the rest of men in the population, by what traits or qualities they have. Nice guys, are the ones that ride on white horses, bad boys are the ones with the motorcycles, right??  


1. Nice Guys Are Nice To...Everyone 

This isn't a quality that only one type of man has, this above anything else has to do with respect! Having respect for people you don't know or anyone in the current vicinity, is something everyone should have and participate in.  

There is also a very definitive line between the type of man that is nice, that has respect for everyone whether they rank above or below him,  to a man that let's anyone walk all over him because he's 'nice.' 


2. Nice Guys Compliment You 

No, any man that is interested in you will compliment you, also don't forget that you may need to give it, to get it here with this one. Without a doubt there are the type of guys that are willing to compliment you every five minutes if you'd like them to, but is that really something that you're looking for?  Compliments are part of appreciation, appreciation is important, you also need to put in equal effort 

Yes it's nice to hear that you're beautiful, the whisper of sweet nothings, but you shouldn't be dependent on it for reassurance in yourself or relationship. You should never rely solely on a man's validation of you, or to allow a relationship to validate your worth as a woman. 



3. They Don't Play Games 

Don't kid yourself ladies, everyone plays games, saying you don't play games is one in itself!
A few games isn't bad for the starting of a relationship, sure in the world of instant gratification this is the exact opposite of what most want to hear, but a little chasing and guessing only improves the end result.  (Not games as in playing with someone's heart or emotions, the dance of seduction)



4. He Won't Ignore You 

If someone you're interested in starts to ignore you, move on! If a man is interested in you, don't worry you'll be made a priority on his list of things he doesn't ignore. This isn't something that has to do with nice, but more with interest level.  If someone is available every time you call to them  or doesn't take space of their own, that's a red flag!


5. He Will Help You 


It's hardwired into a man's DNA to be helpful or help a woman in just about any way that he can, when given the correct opportunities. This is something that is widespread over the population of men, not just 'nice guys'. 



6. He Makes You Laugh
 
There are no limits on funny, enough said!



7.  Chances Of Getting Hurt Go Down 


One of the main reasons that a nice guy that you put in the friend zone or went on a date with once, gets a second thought, is because it appears safe. Anytime you put your heart or feelings into something, there is a chance of getting hurt. Whether you pick the risky road or according to you the safe one, there is a chance of getting hurt, but whatever road you choose stop assuming the end result first.



 

But really ladies, when it comes down to dating and being in a relationship with another person, your words before taking that step into the unknown shouldn't be "well I guess I'll give this a shot or give him a chance"  saying that shows a lack of passion, a genuine desire to be with someone. That's like saying "you wanted salt, but accidentally grabbed the sugar," so you give it a simple shrug of the shoulders and say "it'll do!"  Just because someone is always knocking on the door, doesn't mean you should answer it, hence, giving what you would call the 'nice guy' a chance. 

You wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone that just decided on a whim or by default  to try you out for awhile, because they were sick of being hurt/disappointed by women that had a few different qualities than you. While we think men that pick based on looks/ features alone are bad...take a look in the mirror, if you're basing your choice in men off of the 'nice guy' myth! 


Thursday, October 23, 2014

B Men: What You Need To Know About Chivalry




Chivalry, since the beginning of time - until it's tragic end in the 21st century...

" Because it kept the world from modernizing in male and female roles."

" Umm modern times "

"Women hate chivalry and now find it creepy"

"It's final appearance was on a date that went bad, when it was made a rule that if you're a women that  believes in feminism, that means a gentleman can't hold the door for you or buy you dinner on a date. Because what this gentleman really is trying to say is that "you're too weak as a women to open your own door or don't make enough money to pay for dinner. "


That is just some of the numerous negative untrue opinions out there, on the topic of chivalry, but lucky for you, YOU have BBB, to break down some 'need to know' points on the topic, giving you an edge on the competition     


Some Don't Expect It, So It's Not Required Right?

Chivalry shouldn't be reserved just to impress someone, while yes, it does tend to have that effect, that shouldn't be your only motivation.  Just because someone doesn't expect something, doesn't mean you shouldn't put in the extra effort or bring it to the table, as one of the numerous great qualities you have. This should be a way of lifestyle, a life improvement instead of a temporary filter you put onto yourself.  If it's just a show that discounts everything...

It should be for yourself first, before you use this to woo a woman  



Opening Doors Is Far From Antiquated

The most popular chivalrous tasks are things like opening doors, pulling out chairs, ordering for her a dinner, hailing a cab, carrying her bags, offering your seat to her if there isn't any left, sharing your umbrella or holding hers and respect in general.  Sure some of these are a little out dated and not common practice for the most part, but don't be afraid to put your own modern twist on it or take opportunities when they are given to be chivalrous 



Chivalry does still exist, hopefully it always will, whether it's expect or not accepted!  
This isn't something that is meant to be an argument on which sex has more power,  grant or even lessen the power of someone else in the relationship, but it's main meaning should be as gesture of appreciation, respect,  like and love for the person you're being chivalrous to.  


As a man, it's in your DNA to be a protector/provider, the one act of chivalry that I don't see a lot of but look for frequently is when a couple is walking down the street, or seated in a restaurant booth, I'm talking about the man walking on the outside of the street, in a restaurant the woman sitting on the inside of a bench seat. I do notice that a lot of men, do continue with sitting with their back to a wall in a restaurant setting, making it easy for him to scan the room for threats implied or real. Women really do like to feel that they're protected, no matter how strong/independent that she is, more so if she is really independent, a woman that will allow you to protect her, does trust you very highly.


 To be able to be vulnerable to a man is a great sign of strength/confidence on a woman's part. A woman that knows who she is doesn't see a man that's being chivalrous as a threat, or de-womanizing her in any way. She knows she's amazing, she knows the power that she has so she doesn't need to show it as false sense of bravado.  

The most you should ever expect back from your chivalry, is appreciation, by a simple "thank you" for being a gentleman.  

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

B Love: Breaking Down The Complacency Barrier



Complacency:
a feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like; self-satisfaction or smug satisfaction with an existing situation, condition, etc. via Dictionary.com


Complacency from the definition seems like all the things that we want to achieve in a healthy relationship, with a twist. We all yearn for that relationship that we can simply be ourselves, finally able to let our hair down with another person, them loving you, because of who you are. Feeling the certainty, that this person will forever be the one that has our back, our best friend, you finish each other's sentences. It may be what we yearn for, but like anything once we actually get it, it doesn't feel so great after all. Security taken too far. As humans when we face too much certainty we find ourselves bored, taking the other person for granted, nothing feels worse to both parties.


I say both parties, because usually when you are feeling something, or some way about your relationship, chances are that the other person is feeling the same way also, even if they don't express it verbally. The mystery has long since left the relationship and/or the other person.

Relationships don't fix themselves.  So how does one battle the very thing that we've longed for, when it takes over?


Society likes to put us all in the norm category once you've been in a relationship for a period of time, you get married, then if you so choose, soon people are asking "when the kids are coming?" Pretty soon we've fallen into the trap of being the wife/husband, 2.5 kids, white picket fence blah blah blah. We lose our individual identity, we become wife/husband, mom/dad, soccer mom/dad. We develop blinders to who the person was that we married or continue to share a long term relationship with, life becomes about the kids, the job, each person plays their role. The romantic relationship takes a backseat, to all the other relationships that we now have to foster, we become complacent. That time that we used to spend nurturing the relationship, is funnelled elsewhere. Priorities change. The old adage "the squeaky wheel gets the grease" rings true, children and/or career squeak the loudest. Most families consist of 2 people working outside the home, not that being a stay at home mom isn't a fulltime career on its own, we're all short on time and usually sleep.

 So how do we stop it, can we stop it? 

Yes...complacency can be stopped or averted all together.
It takes commitment on both parts.

A. You have to be able to remember the person that you were when you first met.

B. You have to be able to communicate, keeping lines of communication open.

C. You have to be able to see the other person through the eyes of someone else. Watch how other men/women look at your partner, how they interact. You once thought they hung the moon and stars also.


D. We often see the other person as the mom or the dad, not the sexy mysterious person that we used to see.


E. We can never stop dating the person that we're in a relationship with.


F. We have to be able to truly forgive our significant other, they're going to do things that disappoint us, things that hurt our feelings.


G. We have to learn to choose our battles wisely, not everything is worth causing a fight over.


H. Marriage/long term relationships should be about freedom, 2 people with a common goal, working together to help each other achieve their dreams.


I. Choosing to make each other a priority, because they and it matters.


J. Humans need to feel desired by our significant other.


K. Simply being roommates with your significant other doesn't cut it, it doesn't make you special.


L. We all have needs, you have to be aware of your and your partners, you need to be actively trying to fill the other persons needs.


M. Don't nag, you come off as more of a parent, nobody wants to have sex with a parent.


N. Being able be vulnerable with each other, is a deep sign of intimacy.



O. Be the partner, that you would love to have! 

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

B Fit: Choosing Your Battles...


They say "fight fire with fire", I say, a fire needs an extinguisher.

Fight fire with fire: to attack someone with a lot of force because they are attacking you with force http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/Fight+fire+with+fire

Often our first thought when we feel attacked or hurt by another person is similar to the fight or flight response. Depending on your disposition, you may choose to fight, to strike another back in the way that they have struck you or you may leave the situation as fast as possible. Seconds after feeling this so called attack from another person, you will start formulating your plan of action, your attack, most people do this back and forth. Think of an argument that once started as a simple discussion, one person may at some point feel attacked, they then make the choice to let it go or attack back. What often happens is one person attacks, the other responds back with an attack, so on and so forth, creating a raging fire between 2 or more people. Often the only reason these explosive situations stop, is because one person leaves or stops the situation. 
This describes an argument.

An argument requires 2 or more people, meaning regardless of who started it, whether unintentional or not, all participating parties are to blame. You actively choose to participate.


"You don't need to attend every argument you're invited to"

~Unknown



When someone brings an unsolicited personal verbal attack your way.

We've all had this at some point in our  lives, even more if you're doing things against the grain. Adversity will follow many life paths you could choose to take. Firstly I need you to understand, that all personal attacks against you, aren't about you, they're about the attacker themselves. Once you grasp this concept in life, you will learn to not take even the most personal attacks at face value. Understand that most people that will attack another person, are feeling their own feelings of anger, insecurity or perhaps even loss of their own control. This isn't ok by any means, but know that the things people do/say is a reflection of their inner truth, their inner feelings. If someone doesn't feel good about themselves or their life, they aren't going to want to make other people feel good either, subconsciously they will try and bring people down to a relatable level. Knowing this, you can understand why someone's personal attack is more personally about them, than it is personally about you.


An unsolicited personal attack may not be about you, but when you participate and throw an attack back, you've made it about you.


"Hurt people, hurt people"




You are given a choice when someone comes at you with a verbal attack;

-You can fight back with a verbal attack

-You can get upset

-You can try to reason

-You can leave the situation

-You can remain silent.


Choosing Your Battles


When it comes to arguments or verbal attacks, you want to choose carefully which ones that you participate in, because 
they usually lead you nowhere. If you know that what you are about to say does nothing good or has no purpose, then there really isn't much point to saying it. In the heat of the moment, it may be hard to decide whether the battle at hand is a battle you'd like to take on, this is when you need to walk away, letting cooler heads prevail. If you are going to respond to a verbal attack, its best to think carefully about the situation, decide whether it is worthy of a response.

Some people may see silence or leaving a situation as a sign of weakness, but it's actually the opposite, it is a sign of maturity and strength. Any person can participate in a war of words, this isn't a special quality that only the few gifted have.  When you factor in the fact that most personal attacks have little to do with the person being attacked, then silence or leaving the situation is an appropriate answer. You should never have to explain yourself to people, those in your life don't need any explanation, they already know all that you are. Those who aren't big participants in your life, don't know enough about you to make a credible judgement.




When it comes to "haters" or people that choose to try and verbally bring another person down, their actions reflect on them, whether you choose to be silent or respond. If you are silent, you let their actions stand alone, you aren't adding fuel to the fire by becoming a participant, which in turn could make you look just as bad as the aggressor .  Choose your battles, understand that personal attacks aren't about you and most of all, don't let the negativity of others get to you.