Do you consider yourself a giver?
Do you feel as though you give your all to everyone all the time, getting nothing back?
There's different levels of givers, I'm not referring to people that give to help those around them. I am referring to those that give in order to have the acceptance of others. Giving people what they want, or giving them what you think they should want is often used as a way of keeping a person present. It makes sense on paper, "If you want someone to stay, give them what they want".
Humans are fickle, complex creatures, often giving a person is exactly what they want, doesn't lead to them staying in any form of relationship, in fact if someone wakes up with exactly what they want, it no longer becomes something desirable, because it was given, rather than earned. This isn't the first time this has been brought up on any level, in fact, for years the one consistently brought up piece of dating advice is "play hard to get". In the constantly revolutionizing dating world the statement "play hard to get" is being questioned, especially when it comes to women playing hard to get. Essentially playing hard to get is about not being at someone's beck and call when you just meet them, not giving them your all until they earn it...
The dark side of giving your all early on in dating..
If when you meet someone you tend to open the flood gates to the sweetest, most giving version of yourself...in other words you start with giving your all, you probably find yourself feeling used or having many people walk out of your life, even though you feel you've done nothing but everything for this person. The fact is, as humans we don't want someone that does every little thing for us, giving us their all before setting a standard for us. We want someone that is nice, but not at the cost to themselves, essentially we want someone that is nicer to themselves than they are to us. Let me explain...
A person that is nicer to themselves than someone else, won't just give their all to every person that comes along, they will dip their proverbial foot in the water...make sure its safe, then will inch themselves in.
Constantly giving in relationships without having requirements for the person on the other end, will only lead to hurt and resentment.
Humans will have more appreciation for what they earn versus they're given.
I am by no means saying "giving always requires reciprocation, because one of the best feelings, is to give to another person, especially love, not many things are more fulfilling than an abundance of giving within a relationship. If 2 people can freely give their all to each other, they will have a far more fulfilled relationship."
A successful relationship requires equal contribution from both parties. A relationship isn't about one person endlessly giving to the other, if you start on this foot, the one where you give your all from the first meeting, won't win you the relationship you are looking for.
Giving can be a form of manipulation..
If you meet someone and from the first second you meet them, they're constantly doing everything for you, catering to your every need, without requiring at least commitment from you, be very sceptical. There is a reason behind each action a person makes, people don't go around doing everything for the benefit of another person, requiring nothing from you. It can be hard to walk away from someone that is seemingly doing everything for you, in fact you will probably feel guilty for even thinking about distancing yourself from someone who is working so hard to make you feel good. This is the point, and why it is often used as a tool of manipulation, because it makes it more difficult to walk away, even though you will feel that you should.
We can say that giving should be done endlessly in a relationship, requiring nothing in return, but the fact is...if you continually give your all to someone, not setting a standard for their behaviour towards you, you will end up feeling mistreated, resentful or alone. Its sounds terrible to say, that you could be great to someone and it wouldn't work, yet our human nature still exists. Give your all, but make sure it isn't at the cost of yourself, as soon as you show that you will give your all no matter the cost, you sell yourself short and lose the respect of others. Mutually giving in a relationship will make for a healthy relationship, one sided will lead to a disaster or miserable people. No matter who you are, you need someone in your life that makes you step up, that will give you the world, but will only do so, if you are also giving them the world, not at the cost of themselves though. This shows ones love for oneself, loving oneself, will pay you dividends throughout your entire life.